i give up

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Tuesday, November 26, 2002
i guess more people read this than i thought...

Sunday, November 24, 2002
By the way, the most heartless and fucked up thing happened to me at work on Friday...

Friday, November 22, 2002

Saturday, November 16, 2002

Saturday, November 09, 2002
i have a confession to make...

i have an addiction.

i'm addicted to life.

Thursday, November 07, 2002
so there i was, lying in my bed...pondering about some stuff...looking for answers on how i should move on in life, when all of a sudden, the phone rings. I check the caller-ID, it says "private caller." i thought to myself, "its probably just one of my loser friends that want to play video games or something..." so i pick up and say in a very languid voice "hello..."...the voice on the other line says "hello terence????". i said to myself "whoa...im a lucky guy." the person on the other line was christine flores. there was my answer.

Tuesday, November 05, 2002
i sit here wondering how it fell apart. why are things the way they are? It isnt supposed to be like this, but somehow, it is. i'm not blaming anybody but myself for this... When things get to the point where i cannot even say something as simple as "hello", then something is wrong...but when things get to the point where i cannot even look at someone without getting a fucking sad feeling inside, then shit...fuck. i just wanna break down inside. thats how it feels now. thats how bad it is. I wish i had answers to all of this, but i really dont know why anymore. I dont know how. And i definately dont know when. I wish things didnt get this way. Its been nearly 6 months since i last felt like i was at the top of the world. Somehow, in a span of just 1 day, it all came crashing down. And now here i am. No wait, i shouldnt say "here i am"...because i dont know where i am. The only thing i can do is keep telling myself one thing: the story isnt over yet.. i wont let it end without a happy ending. but i just need to be meeted halfway there.

heck, i dont even know if anybody still reads this. Actually, i know there is 1 person out there that still reads this. The 1 person this whole thing is about. The 1 person that is the main character of this story. The 1 person i will never stop caring about. The 1 person i will never forget.

i know this whole lil stupid journal thing wont change anything. even a letter wont change anything. heck, i cant even remember what i wrote in that letter. i dont even know if it was even delivered.

this is life.

this is love.

Saturday, November 02, 2002

today we recorded our very first demo. it came out pretty good, except on 'different kind of crush", it kept on skipping so that song isnt on the demo yet. Also, on "stained" we are going to re-record that. I think we are heading back into the studio in a few days again. The whole atmosphere of actually recording a CD was awesome. It was a great experience. It was so cool. At times, it can be frustrating because if one person messes up, we gotta start the song all over again. This happened alot of times. darn. but anyway, im tired. When the demo is all edited and mastered, we'll be handing them out to pretty much everybody and their mom's!

in other non-related news:

i cant go on like this anymore...